We’re living through an age where it can feel like our teenagers’ entire lives are happening behind a screen we can’t see.
Meanwhile mental health problems in teens are a rising problem that is being blamed on their devices.
The instinctive response for many of us is to clamp down: ban certain apps, monitor every move, or take away devices altogether.
But as Professor Candice Odgers put it so powerfully:
“You can’t ban your way out of a mental health crisis. You have to build instead.”
In this Wonder Room conversation Katharine Radice and I explore how parents can move beyond panic about phones and toward curious, constructive conversations that help teens feel safe enough to be honest.
These are some of the core things we cover in this episode:
Shifting focus from the phone to the child
- Phone use is often a symptom of underlying distress or needs, not the core problem.
Moving from monitoring to understanding
- Hours and apps matter less than the quality of your teen’s relationship with their online world and how it makes them feel.
Creating conditions for honesty instead of forcing lies
- Avoid loaded, judgmental questions and big emotional reactions that make teens hide or lie about what they’re doing online.
Naming the role of algorithms and external forces
- Ask “What is the algorithm feeding you?” to shift some responsibility away from the teen and toward the tech design, making honest conversations safer.
Scaffolding self-reflection and self-regulation
- Use curious questions (“Are you stuck?”, “Any surprises in your screen time?”) to help teens build lifelong skills in reviewing and adjusting their own digital habits.
For my Fearless Parenting community members I have gathered the key ideas and given you practical questions you can use tonight with your teen.
Katherine has a Substack full of help and ideas for parents of teenagers
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Please don't hesitate to seek the advice of a specialist if you're not coping. There's no shame in reaching out for support. When you look after yourself your entire family benefits.
Find all the tips from the episdoe on Substack:
My email teenagersuntangled@gmail.com
My website has a blog, searchable episodes, and ways to contact me